14 years isn't adult you little asswipes

To start off, what the fuck is wrong with these people?  Oops, sorry, I meant what the fuck is wrong with these children?  See, if you're reading this and are in seventh, eighth, or ninth grade and you feel incredibly offended that I just called you a child, then you are exactly the kind of person I'm talking about.  These people walk around under the impression that they are about twenty years older than they actually are.  Perhaps it's the fact that they are the top of the pack in their grade school or that because they recently became teenagers, but for whatever reason, they think they are suddenly full grown and well travelled adults.  This causes males to think that they are hardened marines who have fought in several campaigns and deserve to be referred to as nothing other than bad ass, and to over react to even the slightest hint of not being bad ass or not totally screwing twelve hot playmates every night.  This causes females to think that they are the smartest people in the world and that all their advice is golden and that you are stupid for not listening to it, even if it is to castrate yourself because you're a male chauvanistic pig and you should rot in hell because you have a penis and you're only trying to take advantage of them even if all you were trying to do was to pick up the fucking pencil they dropped.  Listen, just because you suddenly start waking up in the morning with a pup tent over your crotch or have to start purchasing assorted feminine products (which I have to hear about endlessly on TV damn it) does not mean that you are an adult.  You are a teenager.  A teenager is not an adult.  A teenager is a child that thinks they are an adult, and overcompensates everything while in public and in the view of others to assure everyone that they are an adult despite the fact that they still go to grade school.  Just to speak to these people for a moment: You don't know everything, in fact, you don't know anything, so shut the hell up.  Your opinions mean jack shit and no one is listening except maybe your parents since they don't want you to feel belittled or anything so you'll shut the hell up for once but of course they're going to hand you that, "I respect you as a strong and independent person" bullshit.  Your grandparents, particularly your grandfather, on the other hand will probably gladly tell you you're a little snot nosed piss ant and offer to give you a nice kick in the ass, since they lived back in the age where, at least on the family level there was very little bullshit allowed.  That, and they can tell you're probably just acting tough and smart just to impress your friends that have fun by humping brick walls and throwing rocks at their own faces.  
Wanna really be an adult?  Fine.  First off, get up around four thirty every day.  Every day.  Including weekends.  Then go and do some task over and over and over again for about eight hours.  Then return home and try to fit in talking with your family and friends and what not.  Then go to bed.  The key to all this is not to bitch one bit through all of this.  You don't get to sleep as much as you'd like, ever, you work long hours at a boring job,  all the money you get goes to pay utilities and support other people so you touch none of it, and to top it all off, you've got to put up with your significant other who will eventually start bitching that you're not home to spend every fucking waking moment with her or maybe even start cheating on you since you did nothing but give her money.  If you plan to raise children, replace the eight hours of boring ass work with running in circles listening to a tape of nails scraping on chalk board set on infinite loop, or better yet, add this to the mind numbing eight hours you already endure.  And just for realism's sake listen to this while you're sleeping too, don't be a pussy about it either, turn that fucker up to full volume.  That's what I hear it's like to be an adult, so until you have to really deal with similar circumstances you have no reason, indeed no right to think you know better or bitch about everything.
And as a final note stop flipping out over your fucking cell phones, who would want to talk to you anyway?